The Other Side Of The Story....

IF EMILY WAN YE COULD TELL HER SIDE...

Looking back it's all a blur, but I'm trying to piece the details together as best I can....  

It all began with a lot of shouting, and then I was being carried off.  As it turns out, Shen Yanzhen and Ai Li had found me at the gate of The Welfare Institute of Wannian County.  Apparently they thought I needed to go to the clinic, so we went.  They kept looking at my hands and telling me that I'm pretty;  I really wasn't sure what all the commotion was about, but I went along with them--after all they kept telling me that I'm pretty....

Into the clinic we went where a lot of people poked and prodded.  Some were shaking their heads and rolling their eyes, and some just smiled, looked at my hands, and patted my head.  Soon they were taking pictures of me and writing things down.

As time went by I ended up in "The Special Place" with a lot of other children, mostly girls, and we spent a lot of time playing by ourselves because there were a lot of us and only a few adults.  I figured out early on that I would have to make my own way.

Something deep inside me told me that it shouldn't be this way, and I wondered if I had a mother somewhere who would come soon to bring me home and take care of me.  It began to click that someone, probably my mommy, had left me at the welfare institute's gate to be found by someone else. I wondered why she left me at the gate.  Didn't she care about me?  Didn't she love me?  Didn't she want me?  Something told me that the circumstances were beyond her control, and that leaving me at the gate was not as easy as it appeared.  In fact, it probably caused her great pain.  I think she did love me, and would miss me terribly.  I think she wanted the best for me.  After all, she left me at a place where I would be found...maybe she even hid nearby and waited to make sure I was found....

Anyhow, The Special Place was now my home, and I decided I better just get used to it.  Although I was small, I wasn't going to let anyone push me around. No specific person was able to stay by my side, and there was a part of me that decided that I needed to maintain a tough exterior.  I really wished I had that special someone who would be there for me all the time, but there were so many of us.  I kept my guard up.  

After a while I couldn't imagine life outside of The Special Place.  I figured this is where I would grow up and spend the rest of my life.  Maybe this is where everyone grows up (?).  But occasionally a few of my friends would leave, and I'd never see them again.  Where did they go?  Would I go there too?  Is it better there?  I felt that there may be a better place than The Special Place.

Then one day the adults brought me a package with a blanket, some toys, and some pictures of people I'd never seen.  Someone said "Mama" and another mentioned "Baba," but I wasn't really sure what that meant, and nothing really came of it...

Half of my life went by.

Then one day some of the adults from The Special Place loaded me into a truck, and we began a long journey on bumpy roads.  I threw up.  We arrived at a huge city with lots of traffic and noise.  We pulled up to a very tall building, much taller than The Special Place.  We took the elevator up to the eleventh floor.   I was eating one of my favorite snacks.  Mrs. Ye, the director of The Special Place,  a new lady named Mrs. Shirley,  one of my friends, and a few other adults were with me.  We walked around the corner and into a room.  

Suddenly, there was excitement and everyone began to speak loudly.  Waiting in the room were two adults and one older child.  They spoke a different language, and they looked different.  They spoke to Mrs. Shirley and Mrs. Ye in the different language.  They were smiling and staring at me.  They were looking at my hands, my skin, my hair, my clothes.  They showed me some new toys and started playing with me....

Wait a minute!  Something's going on here!  Is Mrs. Ye preparing to leave...without me!?  Hey, where is everyone going?  Who are these people? Who is this new lady, Mrs. Shirley?  She's the only one left here that speaks Chinese, but I don't know her or these new people!!  OK, don't panic.  Just stay in one place and pretend to enjoy playing with the new toys.  Oh wait, they have snacks...maybe these people aren't that bad after all.  But I'm still going to stand in the same place...for a few hours.  Wait, now my only Chinese counterpart, Mrs. Shirley, is leaving.  Now what...?  These new people that I'm being left with look as confused as me....

Who are these people, and why are they trying so hard to play with me and make me happy? OK, I'll just continue to stand in the same place and show no emotion.  Soon this will be over, and I'll be back in the truck with Mrs. Ye, heading back to The Special Place.  Hold on...if that's the case then why are they putting me in a bath tub?  Oh, I don't like the looks of this at all.... Actually, this bath isn't all that bad, but who are these people!?

That first night with my kidnappers, I showed little emotion.  I had gotten very good at keeping my guard up.  I thought I would wake up, and this dream would be over.  But when I woke up to a greeting that sounded like a sick donkey "Ni Hao!  Ni Hao!," there they were again, those people who couldn't speak Chinese if their lives depended on it. 

Even though their attempts at Chinese were lacking, I sensed that they cared about me.  They dressed me, fed me, and bathed me.  None of this I minded, but then they told me it was time to go to sleep, and this I did not, do not, will not ever like.  So now it was time to put my foot down.  Now it was time to cry, shriek, wail, and scream bloody murder!  No sleep for me...that is until I (yawn) fall asleep standing up.... 

I really wasn't used to all the attention that they were giving me, and while a part of me wanted to receive it another part of me just wanted to push them away.  I had fun playing games with them, but I began striking out at them, occasionally hitting and biting.  I continued to sense that these kidnappers (who happen to reside in five star hotels with marble floors, high ceilings, and fancy furnishings) really do care about me even with all of these antics....

Something inside of me began to soften up, and I wasn't sure if this was safe. I'd always stood my ground.  What if these new people turn on me?  What if I push too hard, and they send me back to The Special Place?--I don't think I want to go back there now.  What if I push too hard, and they leave me at a gate somewhere?

Something inside me began to soften up, and something inside me told me that I could trust these new people who were calling themselves Mama, Baba, and Ger Ger.  Could these be the people I had heard about half a lifetime ago?  Had they been thinking about me all this time?  What or who had led them to come to me?

Their approach to me told me that I couldn't do anything to make them love me more or make them love me less.  A hardness in me began to rapidly melt away in the face of their seemingly unconditional love for me.  I began to trust them more and more, and decided I'd like very much to stay with them.  It seems that they want the very best for me....  

These new people also speak of a God who loves me.  All of this is new and quite confusing, but I really feel that I can trust them.  Maybe someday all of this will make more sense to me.  

I've decided I'm going to stay with these new people--just don't tell me when I have to go to bed....